Impossible Doublebinds

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The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. ~ Will Rogers

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[Jana]

“When we radiate out from our heart our most sincere desire to be, to do, to have, then we are alive. Then we are rejuvenated with a fresh sense of meaning and purpose. And this in turn feeds the world.” Garwin Redman

THIRD ONE OUT

Being the third girl, my initial programming till going to school at 5 years old was that to be "good" I had to regularly exclude myself out of social life with my sisters for their sake. Being sensitive to the need of Other to repulse you, means that you are voluntarily repulsing/rejecting yourself in order to belong. So this form of belonging is a "bond of exclusion," an inversion of the natural belonging bond. So with an inverted social wiring we tend to seek out others in order to exclude ourselves and to “save” others from our presence. In this sense our pleasure becomes our pain, as a complex mix of needs and conflicted programming are set in play. With repulsive-belonging getting close to people becomes painful, stifling and regressive…because no matter how much we are playacting togetherness underneath there is a constant repulsive social force enacting on our most primitive wiring...silently forcing us to exclude ourselves in order to “be accepted.” How one heals this impossible doublebind I do not know.

I have been thinking, on pulling my head up from my computer, that I better get some growth work under my belt. So I decided to start working towards doing Inner Arts workshops. But in the time leading up to a Matrixworks Workshop where I can learn some of the dynamics of leading workshops, I find I am faced with the impossible doublebind again. You see, how does one with this automatic repulsion wiring not exclude oneself from the group when leading one’s own workshop. I could see that it could very easily lead to a deepening of trauma, and reduce the power of the workshop for the attendees. I can see that perhaps if a high level of truth-communication and resonance was established first then this most basic problem could be worked through even as the dynamic arose.

[Jane]

Jana,
I don't think this is solely a 'third child phenomenon'.  I think it is pretty much common to all of us.  I did the Calling in the One workshop earlier this year....and really, no surprise, it comes down to calling in myself, including myself, taking a stand for myself, and 'showing up'.  The exercises were really helpful, and pretty much every one on the course had the habit of going missing in action as a run of the course of relationships of any kind.   
It seems to me that this is not an impossible double blind.  It comes from the wiring of a faulty belief that 'I am not wanted for who I am'.....So this belief needs to be examined and reworked.... and replaced with what is more true..... you, me, all of us, are awesome gifts to/from the world....
 
Jane

[Jana]

Yea, In the mirrored universe we only ever abandon ourselves, but it is hard to gain a sure foothold in the Self when the mood of the collective is to turn you upside down and shake to see what coins fall from your pockets.

http://attendthisevent.com/?eventid=15014190
Ken answered the question on his latest talk. You can’t get out of the prism of mirrored rejection from the personal subjective “I.” The healing of the One is undertaken via intersubjective consciousness in feltsense meditation on the “We Space,” and the energetic of collective intention and “higher” collective mind. An allowing and acceptance of difference and conflict…in embracing the multiplicity of the one organism of humanity and Life. One could say that inner and interpersonal conflict isn’t integrated in a healthy sense until Being needs  and a super abundant outpouring of spirit are achieved. Magnanimity heals all wounds.

Ken was awesome…funniest thing he said was
“Around 70% of the world’s population are Nazis (at the mythic level), but you don’t reeducate Nazis, you grow them out of their lower levels.” Ken Wilber
If we can't change the system, can we perhaps circumvent it by building a better one? Death comes naturally to the old as the new in-states itself through the rebirth of consciousness.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEc-8J7O0o4&feature=player_embedded#!  —Venus painting of Michael Parks.

[Jana]

The "alien interference" phenomena is very apparent in the film Restrepo about the US troops in Afghanistan...but the troops don't come in peace, they are there to establish an oil pipeline through the country. I would love to see this historical event broken down in Spiral Dynamics philosophy.

The separation impulse is the opposite force of the unity/growth impulse. If we are engaged in defense/offense energy, we are not growing towards Unity unless we are already enlightened. How to grow beyond the automatic repulsion/exclusion, defense/offense wiring in order to allow the stabilization of higher developmental levels of consciousness? 

[Francis]

The separation impulse is the opposite force of the unity/growth impulse.

Biological growth procedes by cell division, where the separation of the new cell from the old cell is critical to development. What Ken sees as a linear progression or hierarchy, is really a much more circular set of influences. The spiral dynamics 'levels' are laid out in astrology as a circle (the zodiac). There is no linear progression; what comes around goes around. The nazis certainly have nothing whatever to do with it.

By invoking nazism in the quote above, Ken is betraying his distain for what he sees, in his arrogance, as the 'immature levels' of consciousness. He's above all that. Isn't this exactly the sentiment that motivated your sisters when they ostracized you? Clearly, Ken's friend Cohen sees fit to treat people in his group rather badly based on the same type of sentiment. The whole trip fosters self-pity and self-loathing all around, as we've seen.

[Jana]

Nazi is a simple way of saying egocentric, self-serving, mechanical, reductionist, consumptive, obedience to outer authority, disregarding of Other and earth etc...and other traits of the first tier.

While normally the consummate diplomat it is Ken's breaks with pure tact which are most useful in conveying a larger broad reaching point. Because they stick in the cerebral haystack and demand greater revelation.

We folks "should" see the larger context of these trigger words and the full intent behind using them, rather than fall into the obvious trap that they present. Thus you have to be a post formalist to grok the deeper context...otherwise you are just contesting and battering around with words on the Flatland level...and getting no where real fast.

One can easily see the full meaning of the term Nazi when used to describe first tier...it was the most vital term in the whole conversation when used in the context of integral inclusivity of the entire spiral...which he stressed most vehemently.