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Author Topic: Fun(ny) things  (Read 15429 times)
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Michael
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« Reply #60 on: March 19, 2008, 10:57:47 AM »

Black Guy Asks Nation For Change

Onion

CHICAGO—According to witnesses, a loud black man approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for change.

"The time for change is now," said the black guy, yelling at everyone within earshot for 20 straight minutes, practically begging America for change. "The need for change is stronger and more urgent than ever before. And only you—the people standing here today, and indeed all the people of this great nation—only you can deliver this change."

Black Guy

The black guy is oddly comfortable demanding change from people he's never even met.

It is estimated that, to date, the black man has asked every single person in the United States for change.

"I've already seen this guy four times today," Chicago-area ad salesman Blake Gordon said. "Every time, it's the same exact spiel. 'I need change.' 'I want change.' Why's he so eager for all this change? What's he going to do with it, anyway?"

After his initial requests for change, the black man rambled nonstop on a variety of unrelated topics, calling for affordable health care, demanding that the government immediately begin withdrawing troops from Iraq, and proposing a $75 billion economic stimulus plan to create new jobs.

"What a wacko," Schaumburg, IL resident Patrick Morledge said. "And, of course, after telling us all about how he had the ability to magically fix everything, he went right back to asking for change. Typical."

"If he's really looking for change, he's got the wrong guy," Morledge added.

Reports indicate that the black man has been riding from city to city across the country, asking for change wherever he goes. Citizens in Austin, TX said they spotted the same guy standing on the street Friday, shouting far-fetched ideas about global warming. Cleveland residents also reported seeing him in a local park, wildly gesticulating and quoting from the Bible. And last week, patrons at the Starlight Diner in Cheyenne, WY claimed that the black man accosted them while they were eating, repeatedly requesting change.

"I saw him walk in and I knew he was headed straight for our table," said mother of three Gladys Davies. "He just stood there smiling at us for a while, and asked how our food tasted. Then he went and did the same thing at the next table over. The nerve of some people."

Those who encountered the black man Tuesday said he engaged in erratic behavior, including pointing at random people in the crowd and desperately saying he needs their help, going up to complete strangers and hugging them, and angrily claiming that he is not looking for just a little bit of change, but rather a great deal of change, and that he wants it "right now."

"I'll be honest, when that black guy said he would 'stop at nothing' to get change, it kind of scared me," local mechanic Phil Nighbert said. "Just leave me alone."

Though many were taken aback by the black man's brazen demands, some, such as Jackson, MS's Holly Moser, sympathized with him. She gave the black man credit for boldly standing up and asking every last person around him for change.

"I told him I'd give him some if I saw him later, even though I probably won't," Moser said. "Very nice man, though."

Most, however, ignored his requests.

"I'm a hardworking American who pays his taxes, and the last thing I need is some guy on the street demanding change from me," said William Overkamp, a Springfield, IL gun-shop owner.

He added, "What he really needs is a job."

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"To see fully that the other is not you is the way to realizing oneness … Nothing is separate, everything is different … Love is the appreciation of difference." ~ Swami Prajnanpad
jimtzu
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« Reply #61 on: April 01, 2008, 11:22:22 PM »

fun with words



1) The bandage was wound around the wound.


2) The farm was used to produce produce .


3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.


4) We must polish the Polish furniture.


5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

Cool A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'


You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed-Up about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP ,When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP .

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP .

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP, so........... it is time to shut UP .!
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Michael
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« Reply #62 on: April 02, 2008, 07:19:04 PM »

That's great Jim!  Thanks!   laugh
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"To see fully that the other is not you is the way to realizing oneness … Nothing is separate, everything is different … Love is the appreciation of difference." ~ Swami Prajnanpad
Michael
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« Reply #63 on: April 05, 2008, 02:00:36 PM »

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
A calendar’s days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
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"To see fully that the other is not you is the way to realizing oneness … Nothing is separate, everything is different … Love is the appreciation of difference." ~ Swami Prajnanpad
marianthi
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« Reply #64 on: April 06, 2008, 10:25:26 AM »

Does this play on words have a paticular name?   Other languages don´t lend themselves to much of this...specially not German, according to those who speak it.

Thanks for the laughs and the relief, MichaelD.  All the talk here exposing or straightening out this corrupt/ignorant world was sitting heavy on my Heartmind self lately.   Cool

M.
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´Give up all hopes and expectations and freed from the wish to seek or to abandon, roam about freely´.

Janaka,around 2000 B.C.E.
jimtzu
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« Reply #65 on: April 06, 2008, 03:50:05 PM »

here you go Marianthi... 

A figure of speech which involves a play upon words. The Greek term is paronomasia. One of the earliest types of wordplay, the pun is widespread in many literatures and gives rise to a fairly universal form of humour. Puns are very often intended humorously but not always

use of words, usually humorous, based on (a) the several meanings of one word, (b) a similarity of meaning between words that are pronounced the same, or (c) the difference in meanings between two words pronounced the same and spelled somewhat similarly.

a play on words that are identical or similar in sound but have sharply diverse meanings. Puns can have serious as well as humorous uses: eg when Mercutio is bleeding to death in Romeo and Juliet, he says to his friends, “Ask for me tomorrow, and you shall find me a grave man.”

a “play on words” in which words are interchanged for comic effect; one word is used in place of another for humorous effect. A three-legged dog walked into the Old-West saloon and said, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

(Have a nice trip, see you next fall.)


i think the english language lends itself more to this kind of play due to the fact that it steals and incorporates many words and phrases from almost any language.  american english is even more of  a bastardized language. 
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marianthi
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« Reply #66 on: April 07, 2008, 05:18:47 AM »


Good to have that context to English word playfulness.  With input of that sort I feel less lost in the jungle, Jim.   Kiss

M.
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´Give up all hopes and expectations and freed from the wish to seek or to abandon, roam about freely´.

Janaka,around 2000 B.C.E.
jimtzu
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« Reply #67 on: April 15, 2008, 12:49:15 AM »

here's an interesting site to explore,  the nasa sun-earth viewer

http://sunearth.gsfc.nasa.gov/sunearthday/media_viewer/flash.html

(notice the lakota beliefs about the sun in interviews)
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jimtzu
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« Reply #68 on: April 17, 2008, 09:10:59 AM »

what's a few trillion between friends?.......


http://3trillion.org/?play=1?utm_source=rgemail
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Michael
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« Reply #69 on: April 17, 2008, 09:54:48 AM »

That's great Jim!!  Thanks!


You know you want to:

<a href="http://www.therightfoot.net/mystuff/whatever/swf/bubblewrap.swf" target="_blank">http://www.therightfoot.net/mystuff/whatever/swf/bubblewrap.swf</a>
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"To see fully that the other is not you is the way to realizing oneness … Nothing is separate, everything is different … Love is the appreciation of difference." ~ Swami Prajnanpad
jimtzu
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« Reply #70 on: April 20, 2008, 10:30:44 AM »

you could find this unbearable, but when you have to scratch that itch....

<a href="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/1230440/booty_bear.swf" target="_blank">http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/1230440/booty_bear.swf</a>
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jimtzu
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« Reply #71 on: April 22, 2008, 08:34:46 PM »

here's a cool earth day treat  http://www.pbs.org/wnet/gperf/shows/wolftrap/program.html
check out luminescent flights
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jimtzu
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« Reply #72 on: May 02, 2008, 12:26:48 PM »

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
2. A will is a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism,  it's your Count that votes.
6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
8. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show
you A-flat miner.
9. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
10. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
11. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in
Linoleum Blownapart.
12. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
13. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
14. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
15. A calendar's days are numbered.
16. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
17. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
18. He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.
19. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
20. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
21. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
22. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
23. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
24. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
25. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
27. Acupuncture: a jab well done.
28. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message,
but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

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henry
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« Reply #73 on: May 02, 2008, 01:08:47 PM »

rev. jimtzu is on loan to heartmind from swami beyondananda BananaDance...anonymouse
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jimtzu
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« Reply #74 on: May 02, 2008, 08:13:31 PM »

awww after reading back a few i saw that michael had already posted them     blush  so sooowwwy
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