Fun(ny) things

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If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. ~ Don Marquis

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[jimtzu]

CREATIVE PUNS FOR "EDUCATED MINDS"


  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
      He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an
      optical Aleutian.

  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a
      weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other,
      'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his
      grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

[jimtzu]

this is one of those funny things that is also sad.

colbert talking about ayn rand

http://www.hulu.com/watch/62050/the-colbert-report-the-word---rand-illusion

[Daniel]

Now. for something completely different 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vq6b9bMBXpg

[Francis]

Handy Metric Conversion Factors
1 million microphones - 1 megaphone
1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
10 cards = 1 decacards
1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
1 million billion picolos = 1 gigalo
10 rations = 1 decaration
100 rations = 1 C-ration
10 millipedes = 1 centapede
3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
10 monologues = 5 dialogues
5 dialogues = 1 decalogue
2 monograms = 1 diagram
4 nickles = 1 paradigm
2 wharves = 1 paradox

[jimtzu]

 
it all makes sense to me now

[Michael]

Kinda gotta kick outta this:

[Liz]

Bored? Try this

http://www.funstufftosee.com/frogleaptest.html

Easy when you figure it out

Liz

[jimtzu]

oh noooo

[Michael]

Moses, Jesus, and an old bearded man were out playing golf one day.

Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway
but rolled directly toward a water trap.  Quickly, Moses raised his club,
the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward
the same water trap.  It landed directly in the center of the pond and
kind of hovered over the water.  Jesus casually walked out on the pond and
chipped it up onto the green.

The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out
over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces
off a truck and hits a nearby tree. 

From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into
the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the
aforementioned pond.

On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the
water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly.  Suddenly, a very large
bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. 

Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away.

As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped
the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole-in-one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your dad."

[Liz]

A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, 'Mum'.  With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.
 
Dear Mum,
 
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.  I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
 
But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.  We share a dream of having many more children.  Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
 
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Mum, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.  Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. 

Love,
Your son, Nicholas.
 
" P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.  I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk"

I love you!
 
Call when it's safe for me to come home.
 
 

[jimtzu]

ok  who wants to be first?

http://www.acetj.com/videos/player.php?mediaID=3045

[Daniel]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teMlv3ripSM&feature=player_embedded

Your average Integral Dialogue 

[henry]

Jimtzu, you look like the cosmonaut in the video, but it doesn't look like kansas. thank goodness for happy landings . Another Happy Birthday shoutout to Daniel

[Michael]

.

[jimtzu]

Music from the moon... plays  midi notes and sounds in different scales based on the topography of the lunar surface. you can change scales, sounds, orbits or free form.

http://blog.makezine.com/archive/2009/09/moonbell_music_from_the_moon.html